ohhhh yes

i got my ring back! and i loveeee it. i am never going to take it off. except for applying lotion or cleaning or such. haha. but reallly, i love it and i love brad (more, obviously).

pure bliss

happy happy day! brad and i are (officially) engaged! i couldnt be happier. this totally takes away all my stresses and worries at the moment. no date set yet. everyone is asking and i dont know what to say! haha. anyway, no date in the world is soon enough. i cant stop smiling...

good news for people who love bad news

ice-age heat wave, can't complain. if the world's at large, why should i remain? walked away to another plan. gonna find another place, maybe one i can stand. i move on to another day, to a whole new town with a whole new way. went to the porch to have a thought. got to the door and again, i couldn't stop. you don't know where and you don't know when. but you still got your words and you got your friends. walk along to another day. work a little harder, work another way. well uh-uh baby i ain't got no plan. we'll float on maybe would you understand? gonna float on maybe would you understand? well i'll float on maybe would you understand? the days get shorter and the nights get cold. i like the autumn but this place is getting old. i pack up my belongings and i head for the coast. it might not be a lot but i feel like i'm making the most. the day's get longer and the nights smell green. i guess it's not surprising but it's spring and i should leave. i like songs about drifters - books about the same. they both seem to make me feel a little less insane. walked on off to another spot. i still haven't got anywhere that i want. did i want love? did i need to know? why does it always feel like i'm caught in an undertow? the moths beat themselves to death against the lights. adding their breeze to the summer nights. outside, water like air was great. i didn't know what i had that day. walk a little farther to another plan. you said that you did, but you didn't understand. i know that starting over is not what life's all about. but my thoughts were so loud, i couldn't hear my mouth. my thoughts were so loud, i couldn't hear my mouth. my thoughts were so loud.

everyday. everyday. waiting. everyday. happy. confused. everyday. i need to stop. then everything will be perfect. waiting.

the first taste

i lie in an early bed thinking late thoughts, waiting for the black to replace my blue. i do not struggle in your web because it was my aim to get caught, but daddy longlegs, i feel that i'm finally growing weary of waiting to be consumed by you. give me the first taste, let it begin, heaven cannot wait forever... darling just start the chase. i'll let you win, but you must make the endeavor. oh, your love give me a heart contusion. adagio breezes fill my skin with sudden red, your hungry flirt borders intrusion and i'm building memories on things we have not said. full is not heavy as empty, not nearly my love. not nearly my love, not nearly... give me the first taste let it begin, heaven cannot wait forever, darling, just start the chase, i'll let you win, but you must make the endeavor. the first taste... let it begin, heaven cannot wait forever. start the chase, i'll let you win but you must make the endeavor

mend-ings

i'm home. drained and exhasted. utah has really brought up a lot of crazy emotions for me. i was forced to face something that i have never really been directly effected by till recently- death. i still dont think i've truely grasped the fact that he's gone. if i close my eyes and concentrate i can still hear him say my name. i can hear him laugh, i can hear his words of praise and love. i really dislike funerals. and viewings. cemeteries are so... final. it's crazy to look down at grave stones and see your last name printed on them. i had to escape the world for a few days and i feel terrible for not being able to respond to people's texts and phone calls. i cant mix two things, at least those two things. everything has been changing lately. i need to take care of a few things, quickly. i need to become responsible and accountable. everything is final now