mend-ings

i'm home. drained and exhasted. utah has really brought up a lot of crazy emotions for me. i was forced to face something that i have never really been directly effected by till recently- death. i still dont think i've truely grasped the fact that he's gone. if i close my eyes and concentrate i can still hear him say my name. i can hear him laugh, i can hear his words of praise and love. i really dislike funerals. and viewings. cemeteries are so... final. it's crazy to look down at grave stones and see your last name printed on them. i had to escape the world for a few days and i feel terrible for not being able to respond to people's texts and phone calls. i cant mix two things, at least those two things. everything has been changing lately. i need to take care of a few things, quickly. i need to become responsible and accountable. everything is final now