excuse my manners if I make a scene

haha.

take all that you have and turn it into something you were missing

i miss my bestfriend. she is in washington dc and seeing cool amazing things! i am jealous. this post is dedicated to emma.

come on baby pick a side

"and if she runs away she fears she won't be followed. what could be the worse than leaving something behind? and as the depth of oceans slowly become shallow, it's loneliness she finds..."

if you love me won't you let me know?

brad and i hung out today after school. we watched crash. and i fell asleep. when i woke up he was watching it again. haha. we tickled each other and he whined like a baby. and then i went home and did homework and cleaned and studied. then we went to filiburtos and i got three rolled tacos and brad got a breakfast burrito. we then came back to my house and watched two epidsodes of the office. so in conclusion today was a good day. and i am grateful.

"i started running but there's no where to run to. i sat down on the street, took a look at myself said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell. say your goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to. i believe the world is burning to the ground, oh well i guess we're gonna find out. let's see how far we've come. i guess, we're gonna pretend."

cellar door

some things can't be bottled
see how it's draining out the bottom
just like holding onto water
my eyes will only open for so long
so show me everything
i'm always aching to see
it's not pretty I know
but still this is who I'll always be
i'm learning to trust you enough to take from you
you can trust me tooI have many gifts
that's right my God gave them to me
i've worked hard to learn to use them
and now I'll go and teach
bothell is beautiful in the fall
days of my youth were not so long ago
i learned things here that some men never see
the lucky ones know exactly what I mean
i'm learning to trust you enough to take from you
you can trust me too
-"holding onto water" rocky votolato

take what you need and be on your way

to my suprise i discovered that i had a blogspot! i cannot remember why i created this account in 2005. i honestly dont even recall what i was doing in 2005. but here it is, i guess.

life is going swell. i am currently happy and most certainly grateful for many things. respiratory school is... good. i am passing all my quizes, tests, and exams. but i find myself yearning to do something else. i dont see myself, ten years from now, working in a hospital. wearing scrubs everyday of my life. working twelve hour shifts four to five times a week. i often think back to last july and wonder how different my life would be if my mom didnt make me call apollo on my way home from taking my placement exam at mcc. would i have made some new friends? would i have grown up a little more? would i have attended institute regularly? would i be more religious because of it? i just wish i would have done what i wanted to do. anyways... i need to find a job soon. not something too hard or demanding. a job that will require me to work only (hopefully) three to four times a week. and that will allow me to work short shifts. haha. i only need money for gas, food, clothes and anything else my heart desires. so i guess the amount of money i would be making is not that much of an issue... oh!!! how could i forget the most prominent thing in my life right now?! which would be my boyfriend. i see him everyday and i love being around him. he's cute and funny and i can tell him anything. he's very ticklish and i love cuddling with him. he buys me food and in return i buy him qt. haha. we fight and we make up. but most importantly, i love him. and he loves me.

i find myself missing people that used to be constant figures in my life. and with everything going on i feel as though they have forgotten about me or maybe i wasnt really all that important in the first place. and those two things are i think what is holding me back from fixing my "missing" problem. i hope they are all happy. and not that fake lasts till the end of the night wake up feeling like shit and depressed happy. but truly happy.

i think i'm going to end my post here.

"I can't help it baby, this is who I am. Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel. You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break. I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away"