take what you need and be on your way

to my suprise i discovered that i had a blogspot! i cannot remember why i created this account in 2005. i honestly dont even recall what i was doing in 2005. but here it is, i guess.

life is going swell. i am currently happy and most certainly grateful for many things. respiratory school is... good. i am passing all my quizes, tests, and exams. but i find myself yearning to do something else. i dont see myself, ten years from now, working in a hospital. wearing scrubs everyday of my life. working twelve hour shifts four to five times a week. i often think back to last july and wonder how different my life would be if my mom didnt make me call apollo on my way home from taking my placement exam at mcc. would i have made some new friends? would i have grown up a little more? would i have attended institute regularly? would i be more religious because of it? i just wish i would have done what i wanted to do. anyways... i need to find a job soon. not something too hard or demanding. a job that will require me to work only (hopefully) three to four times a week. and that will allow me to work short shifts. haha. i only need money for gas, food, clothes and anything else my heart desires. so i guess the amount of money i would be making is not that much of an issue... oh!!! how could i forget the most prominent thing in my life right now?! which would be my boyfriend. i see him everyday and i love being around him. he's cute and funny and i can tell him anything. he's very ticklish and i love cuddling with him. he buys me food and in return i buy him qt. haha. we fight and we make up. but most importantly, i love him. and he loves me.

i find myself missing people that used to be constant figures in my life. and with everything going on i feel as though they have forgotten about me or maybe i wasnt really all that important in the first place. and those two things are i think what is holding me back from fixing my "missing" problem. i hope they are all happy. and not that fake lasts till the end of the night wake up feeling like shit and depressed happy. but truly happy.

i think i'm going to end my post here.

"I can't help it baby, this is who I am. Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel. You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break. I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away"