nineteen days

today has been a good and eventful day.

twenty days

somedays go by slower then others...

i got my name change kit in the mail today.

don't tell me i've lost control

They call holidays an option for a reason
I heard you're coming back to life just for the fourth
I've been catching all your ghosts for every season
I pray to god you won't come back here anymore
Do you pray with him, too?
They should deliver all my blessings
In small brown paper handbags near the porch
I wished I'd known that you were bleeding while I sat
And watched you reading with the lord
I read with him, too
When you look at me
I'll be digesting your legs
Cause I can hardly see
What's in front of me these days
And those days, too.
I've got to take what I'm making
And turn it into something
I've got to take what I'm making
And turn it into something
For you
I've got to break what I'm making
And turn it into nothing
I've got to break what I'm making
And turn it into nothing
For you
God, where have you been?

"she loves her c"

things are weird. but settling. we made a gingerbread house last night, i wanted to eat it.

emmma is coming on friday! we are going to go to temple lights and i can't wait. Christmas is coming so fast and i feel prepared for it! hahah. i love monday's. why do i love mondays? hmm... cause it's chantry email day!!! he always brings a huge smile and laugh to my face. he's a terrible speller and so am i. it's awesome. he's my bestfriend's cousin which makes him my bestfriend too... but even if he wasn't emma's cousin I'm sure i would still love him the same. i am so proud of him. and i miss him more with every email. i wish he was here for my wedding.

huge

a lot has been happening. i have barely been sleeping and i feel as though i'm floating on some invisible strange cloud of restless...ness. it is kind of unsettling. i finnished my christmas shopping and i got new boots! and some clothes, naturally. also, brad and myself took a step closer to becoming a family! haha, we are now on a family plan...as in our phones are. i got a new blackberry and a new number! it's been hard getting adjusted to my pretty red phone. also, invites are out! freaking finally. i miss emma. i get to see her in a week! yayyyy.

my new phone^^

and new sweater!

we're down to less then a month.

careful

life is short.
really, it truly is.

i want to be at home curled in a big soft blanket next to my fiance.
not at a cold bright hospital.